12 April 2006

Rats with wings

We have an unsigned agreement with pigeons; They just walk all over the road as they please and when we come driving, they just scamper out of the way without us having to worry about them.
This time of the year that agreement seem to have gone out the window. Horny male pigeons are so busy courting the female pigeons that they forget to keep an eye on the traffic. Oddly enough the females do not seem so distracted by this macho strutting that they can't clear out of the way in time. Maybe it's because the male pigeon matting dance most of all look like a Mick Jagger stage performance. This inability to cope with traffic could the very reason behind the great success of pigeons in the city. Evolution (my car) kills the inattentive birds, leaving only the traffic safe specimens alive to multiply.
And multiply they do, in every major city you find these flying rats, shitting on statues, building ledges and my car (evolution). The amount of spikes and strings mounted on buildings to prevent pigeons from resting there is unbelievable. I can't help wonder (because I love useless trivia) how many tons of metal there's gone into pigeon-resting-prevention around the world . Woody Allen was right to call them rats with wings.
The solution would not be to kill the pigeons themselves and we can't kill the elderly people feeding them. Instead I suggest that we make all the green traffic lights at pedestrian crossings twenty seconds shorter, making it difficult to cross for slow walkers and eventually old people will give up going outside and just stay at home watching TV, traffic will run smoother and no more pigeons.

Old lady fined
Another old lady fined


mushroom said...

Man, in my city we have pigeons and seagulls competing for the scraps. Looks so weird to see them together, but i havent noticed any signs of interbreeding yet........

Michael Manning said...

(Laughing): Reminds me of the House of Commons on TV here. One representative stood up and said to PM Blair: "I wonder if the Prime Minister is aware of the health hazard posed by chewing gum being discarded all over our town square and what he plans to do about it?"

PM Blair quickly rising to his feet: "I want to thank my Honorable Friend for making me aware of this situation. Of course I am concerned about the health risks not to mention the unsightly and undignified appearance such a challenge presents and I';ll have my office respond to him in the morning".

That's more work than our Congress accomplished in a month!

Thomas Siefert said...

Michael: Then we just need a plan to prevent public spitting, puking and pissing.
But I got a post coming up on that soon...

Eric said...

those damned winged rats were on my front porch the other day.