26 April 2006

Best of 007 (Sean Connery)

The first James Bond movie I ever saw was Goldfinger with Sean Connery as 007. Like a newly hatched bird that bonds with the first creature that it see, Sean Connery will forever be imprinted in my mind as The James Bond.
Not that I think the other guys did a bad job; Roger Moore was not bad, but he was let down by some bad scripts in the later years. When Timothy Dalton took over, the long line of bad script went unbroken and he had to take the wrap. Pierce Brosnan seemed to be more of a bad parody of James Bond, possibly because the scripts had deteriorated into an embarrassing mess.
I must admit that I can't remember ever seeing the next 007, Daniel Craig, in anything at all. I know there is a big controversy over selecting a blond actor to step into the shoes of everybody's favorite secret agent, come on! give the man a chance! Yet, if there is no improvement in the scripts, he might go the way of George Lazenby who only was seen in one movie.

Sean Connery handled the part with the tongue firmly in his cheek, yet you believed that he could be dangerous and would kill people if necessary. Not only did he get away with saying some of the most sexists lines to women in movie history, he did them with style (the lines).

The first really good line comes from the film Goldfinger:

Pussy Galore: My name is Pussy Galore.
James Bond: I must be dreaming.

This name, no doubt, inspired the name of a character in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery and the following exchange:

Austin Powers: Come again?
Alotta Fagina: Alotta Fagina.
Austin Powers: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just not getting it, it sounds like you said your name was a lot of um... never mind!

Of course she later realises that her name might invoke certain images in men's minds so at the end of the movie we hear that she has changed it to: Sandy Fagina, which admittedly sounds less inviting.


A few more, though not as good ones, sneaks into Thunderball:

Miss Moneypenny: James,how else will you recognize her?
James Bond: Can't miss. She has a mole on her left thigh.

[after making love to Pat, Bond sees something suspicious on the grounds, and gets up to investigate]
Pat Fearing: James, where are you going?
James Bond: Oh, nowhere. I just thought I'd take a little, uh... exercise.
Pat Fearing: You must be joking.

[Bond is standing in the doorway between their apartments as Fiona takes a bath]
Fiona: Aren't you in the wrong room, Mr. Bond?
Bond: Not from where I'm standing.


Then it goes full throttle in You only live twice:

[Kissy says she will be sleeping elsewhere. Bond shoves his oyster dinner aside]
James Bond: Well, I won't need these.

[Bond is captured by Helga Brandt]
Helga Brandt: I've got you now.
James Bond: Well, enjoy yourself.
[Brandt slaps him]

[about to make love to Helga Brandt]
James Bond: Oh the things I do for England.

[Being bathed by Tanaka's women]
Tiger Tanaka: You know what it is about you that fascinates them, don't you? It's the hair on your chest. All Japanese men have beautiful bare skin.
James Bond: Ancient Japanese proverb, "Bird never make nest in bare tree."

[James is in bed with a Ling, a Chinese woman]

James Bond: Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?
Ling: You think we better, huh?
James Bond: No, just different. Like Peking Duck is different from Russian Caviar. But I love them both.
Ling: Darling, I give you very best duck.

Tiger Tanaka: Rule number one: never do anything yourself when someone else can do it for you.
James Bond: And rule number two?
Tiger Tanaka: Rule number two: in Japan, men come first, women come second.
James Bond: I just might retire to here.

Once again this inspired a joke in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery:

Alotta Fagina: In Japan, men come first and women come second.
Austin Powers: Or sometimes not at all.

MoneyPenny: Oh, by the way, how was the girl?
[turns the lamp towards her, interrogation style]
James Bond: Which girl?
MoneyPenny: The... uh... Chinese one we set you up with?
James Bond: Another few minutes and I would have found out.

Mr. Osato: You should give up smoking. Cigarettes are very bad for your chest.
Helga Brandt:
Mr. Osato believes in healthy chest.
[Bond eyes Helga's breasts]
James Bond: Really?

Diamonds are forever:

[to Tiffany while he's in bed with her]
James Bond: Presumably I'm the condemned man and obviously you're the hearty breakfast.

Sir Donald Munger: Tell me, Commander, how far does your expertise extend into the field of diamonds?
James Bond: Well, hardest substance found in nature, they cut glass, suggest marriages, I suppose it replaced the dog as the girl's best friend. That's about it.

Plenty O'Toole: Hi, I'm Plenty.
[Bond looking at her cleavage]
James Bond: But of course you are.
Plenty O'Toole: Plenty O'Toole.
James Bond: Named after your father perhaps?

James Bond: Weren't you a blonde when I came in?
Tiffany Case: Could be.
James Bond: I tend to notice little things like that - whether a girl is a blonde or a brunette.
Tiffany Case: Which do you prefer?
James Bond: Well, as long as the collar and cuffs match...

[holding up a finger, moving back]
Plenty O'Toole: Just give me one second, lover.
[she walks into the bedroom]
[Bond picks up her dress and tosses it onto a couch. He turns on a lamp and finds a goon pointing a gun at him]
James Bond: Good evening.
[other lights come on, revealing another goon, also pointing a gun at him]
James Bond: Well, I'm afraid you've caught me with more than my hands up.


Then a long break before Sean Connery returns in Never say Never Again:

Nurse: Mr. Bond, I need a urine sample. If you could fill this beaker for me?
James Bond: From here?

[Fatima Blush lands in James Bond's arms when she water-skis up the ramp to the bar]

Fatima Blush: Oh, how reckless of me. I made you all wet.
James Bond: Yes, but my martini is still dry. My name is James.
Not really that sexy, but very "Connery".

Fatima Blush: You know that making love to Fatima was the greatest pleasure of your life.
James Bond: Well, to be perfectly honest, there was this girl in Philadelphia...
Fatima Blush: Write this: "The greatest rapture of my life was afforded me on a boat in Nassau by Fatima Blush," and sign it "James Bond, 007."
James Bond: I just remembered. It's against Service policy to give endorsements.
Fatima Blush: Write!

My memory is not that good, so I should probably mention that my research was done through the Internet Movie Data Base (IMDB), where I stole these quotes from (long live copy & paste).
Just find a movie you are interested in and look under: "Memorable Quotes".
If you are a movie buff like me, you might never leave IMDB again.

7 comments:

Michael Manning said...

Bravo! Bravoo!! I'm laughing so damn hard from reading these lines to no one in this place and wiping tears from the hysteria!!!!!!!!!

I'll have to mention this on the Blog! Oh and tell your wife it's safe to visit my BLOG now! LMAO!!!
Good work, Thomas!

Kelly said...

Love your blog for today Thomas!! I'll be back to catch up all the others! I was a big Sean Connery 'James Bond' fan as well. There is no other.

Oh and Hi Michael!! We have to quit meeting like this ;)

Eric said...

maybe connery can do a "retired bond" film?

Thomas Siefert said...

Michael, thanks you made me do it (I stole most of it from IMDB).


Kelly, nobody does it better.


Eric, you must be a novice in the universe of James Bond.

"Never Say Never Again" is just that. It's a remake of "Thunderball" and is produced in America rather than England and is directed by Irvin Kershner who also directed "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back".
Since NSNA is not produced by the usual producers, it's not considered an official James Bond movie and you will not hear the good old James Bond theme at all in this movie (you know; DAH DADADAH DAH DADADAH DAH DAH DADAH etc .

Also Sean Connery's character in "The Rock" is a secret British agent held captive by the US government because he knows too much. If you really want to, you can pretend that it's James Bond.

Eric said...

yeah, i never really watched bond movies, except the newer ones, which i think are awful.

Michael Manning said...

Revisit/Update: "Bravo!...BRAVOOOOO!!! BRAVOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" (Blog Audience now on it's feet). See?

Anonymous said...

Chocante, realmente, chocante (Goldfinger 1964)